that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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