It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
