Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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