He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
