The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
