took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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