and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize