My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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