The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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