Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
