I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
