God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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