Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
