I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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