are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
