508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
