You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize