Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
