just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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