Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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