Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
