trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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