He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
