A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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