If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
