Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
