If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize