who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
