Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
