You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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