my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
