Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
