She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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