He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
