im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
