Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
