VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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