she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
