The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
