oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
