She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
