ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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