I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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