Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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