omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
being pregnant is like rehab
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
