it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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