That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
third nipple confirmed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize