So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
