you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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