Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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