Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
