This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
