Got a toothbrush?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
