I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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