My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
