I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
