i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
