Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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