She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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