So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
