We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
