What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I looked at my own cervix.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
