apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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