All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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