Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
