I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
