i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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