im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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