It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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