I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You were trust falling into bushes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize