Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
